Dear 12-year-old Self,
I wish I could show you all the things I’ve learned through blood and sweat and pain and tears. One thing I always wanted but never knew how to do was to be close with other people. It turns out, it’s quite simple. But it’s the exact opposite of what you might think.
I spent most of my life trying to protect myself from pain. Trying to hold up a self-image of being smart and good and all-around valuable. But it turned out, the better I was at this, the further I was from any real connections.
People think they love things that are better than them, smarter than them, more attractive than them. But the truth is, people love what they can see themselves in. They simply end up giving the successful, the good-looking, more of a chance. They’re just more likely to forgive them.
If you want to be loved, you must risk revealing your deepest vulnerability. Other people will see this universal vulnerability in themselves, and love you. This will be scary, but in the end, worth it.
…Of course, not being loved isn’t the real problem. Maybe I’ll cover that in a future letter.
Your 20-something Self
