“ Secrets bind us. Secrets bring us closer together.
Gary Chapman, referring to shared secrets
How to Be a Romantic
“You can’t love me,” I told the moon. “You belong to everybody.”
The thing about a logical mind
is that you see the shear absurdity of romanticism.
The thing about an emotional mind
is that you see the utter necessity of romanticism.
The thing about both a logical and an emotional mind
is that you see yourself as a living contradiction.
“ He is the longed-for, and the one who longs; he is the arsonist — and he is the scorched.
Ovid
The Wager
I have staked my body and mind
To play dice on wager with my Love.
If I lose, my Love wins me
If I win, He becomes mine.
— Kabir (1440-1518) (via Solid Ground of Being)
“ People want to know how much you care before they care about how much you know.
James F. Hind (via @DrGaryChapman)
The World Is Too Big
All the space without you in it, is empty.
“ Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.
Gary Chapman
What Is a Romantic?
Romanticism is just another pattern. What is that pattern? It occurred to me to try to write it down. This is not perfect, but I’m erring on the side of something over nothing.
Necessary traits of a Romantic
- Unattainable Object of love
- Willingness to do anything to attain object of love, even destroy oneself
- Persistence in the face of certain failure
Oftentimes associated
- Belief in the possibility of magical or seemingly impossible things
- Overwhelming feelings, especially longing, pain, and suffering
- Yearning to be rescued
- Intuitive “knowing” of what must be done
- Relating life to fairy-tales, fantasy stories, or mythology
In the romantic pursuit, there is a sort of ladder. Although a ladder is not a perfect analogy, where a romantic is on the ladder correlates with how a romantic acts.
Egoic Romantic (bottom of the ladder)
- Belief in being fundamentally flawed
- Constant negative judgment of oneself compared with others
- Tendency to cry out by silently sulking or withdrawing, and secretly wishing that others will seek them out
- Belief in being misunderstood, unappreciated for one’s specialness, and alone in one’s feelings — the metaphor being a superhero with a secret identity
Romantic Transcendence (top of the ladder)
- Acceptance of oneself and others
- Seeing true magic in everyday life
- Pursuit without fear of loss or hope of gain
- Surrender to love
- Egoic self destroyed
- Subject and Object of love are One
A logical breakdown is interesting because in my experience, anything can be done by (1) demystifying and (2) practicing. Demystifying is the first step to practicing, and practicing is the first step to becoming.
“In that high place in the darkness the two oddly sensitive human atoms held each other tightly and waited. In the mind of each was the same thought. “I have come to this lonely place and here is this other,” was the substance of the thing felt.”
— Sherwood Anderson, Winesburg, Ohio
Veronica Mars is one of my favorite series of all time.
